How often are married couples intimate? Here’s what the experts say

In long-term relationships, a common question often comes up: How often do married couples actually spend quality time together? As relationships develop, it’s natural to wonder what “normal” looks like when it comes to connecting as a couple. Spoiler alert: There is no one answer that fits all!

Let’s take a look at what experts and research tell us about how often couples engage and why it’s not just about the numbers.

It’s about quality, not quantity

Psychologist and relationship expert Dr. Julie Slattery explains that there is no universal rule for how often couples should spend meaningful time together. Instead, she emphasizes that the focus should be on the quality of those moments. “It’s not about achieving a specific number, but about fostering connection and pleasure for both partners,” she says.

What does the research tell us?

Studies provide helpful insights into general trends. Research published in Archives of Sexual Behavior found that married couples spend meaningful time together about 56 times per year – about once a week. (Source)

Although this provides a useful perspective, it is important to remember that this is only an average, not a rule. Dr. Slattery highlights that every couple is different, and factors like work, stress, and family life can significantly influence how often couples focus on bonding moments.

communication is key

Experts agree that open communication is the foundation of any healthy relationship. Talking about expectations, preferences, and priorities allows both partners to align their needs. Whether it’s weekly, monthly, or less frequently, the most important thing is that both people feel valued and connected.

Why is it not helpful to compare others?

It’s easy to look at other couples and wonder if your relationship is going well, especially in a world full of highlight reels on social media. But meaningful relationships aren’t about matching someone else’s standards — it’s about understanding what works best for you and your partner. Every relationship is unique and that is what makes them special.

final thoughts

There is no magic number for how often married couples should spend quality time together. The most important thing is to create moments that strengthen the bond and nurture the relationship. Both Dr. Slattery and the referenced studies encourage couples to prioritize meaningful conversations rather than worrying about average ones.

So, how often should couples engage? The answer lies in what keeps your relationship healthy and happy. Remember, it’s not about the calendar – it’s about the connections.