24 secrets to start a conversation with your ex without talking or texting

It’s awkward when you talk to an ex, but it doesn’t have to be that way. Learn how to casually start a conversation with your ex over call or text!

Learning how to start a conversation with your ex may seem difficult, but it doesn’t have to be a matter of trial and error.

Starting a conversation with your ex is just like starting a conversation with anyone else. You may disturb your history too much. But at the end of the day, they’re just one person.

Sure, you may have seen each other’s private things, but so what?

Whether you ended up on good terms or not, you almost always have to talk to your ex about something. Maybe you left something at their place. Maybe you need closure. Or maybe you want to get back together. No matter what, you can do it.

You just need to know where to start. It’s always a good idea to know how to do it in a mature way, even understanding how to start a conversation with your ex via text can help you overcome the stress-factor. Is.

Before starting a conversation with your ex

Starting a conversation with your ex is easier than you might think. As long as you know your reason for reaching out, you can easily start a conversation with your ex.

That’s the essence of it – to lead you must have a purpose. Without it, it looks like you’re trying to speak for it, or worse, you’re trying to join in!

Even asking your ex where they got the food they posted on Instagram can end with a messy recrimination and reminiscing about things you Don’t want to talk. This is not fun. Avoid at all costs!

Even if you think you’re above the pettiness of something like that, trust us, you’re not. Instead of just approaching it like it’s no big deal, think about what you want from the conversation and start from that.

This person knows you, so there is no need for small talk and pleasantries.

Of course, you want to be respectful and considerate, but you don’t need to repeatedly message him about your job when you just want your favorite scrunchie back.

Do you really need to talk to your ex?

Now that you’ve thought about why you’re reaching out, think about it even further. Is this really a good idea?

Sometimes, it’s not worth reaching out to an ex. If your relationship is unstable and you want to initiate a conversation to see how they are doing since the breakup, this may not be necessary.

Before getting in touch, think about your reason and find out if it’s really necessary. We say this a lot but, your ex is there for a reason.

So before you figure out how to have a conversation with your ex or press, “Can we talk?” send over. Lesson, there are some important points to consider. Before you take that trip down memory lane, here are some key things to consider.

1. What time has passed?

Time is a strange thing, isn’t it? If it’s only been a few weeks, emotions may still be raw. On the other hand, the years may mean that you both are completely different people now.

This difference can significantly shape the tone and content of your conversation. It’s like knowing whether to bring an umbrella or sunglasses – timing affects everything!

2. Why are you reaching out?

Let’s talk about the purpose. Are you looking for closure, friendship, or perhaps rekindling an old flame? It is important to understand your ‘why’.

It’s like choosing a destination before you start driving, otherwise, you can just go around in circles. Remember, honesty with yourself is important to make the conversation with your ex meaningful and genuine.

3. How did the relationship end?

Reliving a breakup isn’t about reliving a sob story. It’s about context. Was it cordial or like a Hollywood drama? The previous story sets the stage for your new conversation.

4. Emotional readiness

After all, the goal here is to negotiate, not start another world war. It’s about making sure you’re in a place where you can engage positively, without turning the conversation into a battlefield over old emotions.

So, take some time to assess your emotional state and intentions. If you’re calm, collected, and truly ready to reconnect, you’re ready to start a conversation with your ex.

5. Current Relationship Status

Here’s a big one: Where are you two in your love life now? If one of you is in a relationship, the dynamics of how you talk to your ex change significantly. It’s about respecting boundaries – and that includes being careful not to hurt your current partner or your former partner.

6. Mutual friends and social circles

Consider the shared social landscape. Are your friends still their friends? Dealing with this maze is important because it is like having an audience in your private conversation. You want to be respectful and considerate to avoid any social mistakes.

7. Your goals for the conversation

What’s your end game? Reconnecting, an apology, or just a casual meeting? You don’t start a conversation with your ex just because. There should be a clear reason behind it, whether it’s something practical like asking for your stuff back, demanding closure, or exploring the possibility of friendship.

Having a specific goal in mind ensures that your conversation has direction and purpose. Without a clear purpose, it may seem aimless, or even give the impression that you have not progressed.

8. Potential impact on your current life

But, if you suspect it will send you into an emotional storm, causing you to cry yourself to sleep all night and binge eat for comfort, you may want to reconsider. It’s about weighing the benefits against the potential emotional cost.

Does what you say really matter?

Oh hell, yes!

Obviously, it depends on how the relationship ended, it depends on the tone of your message or conversation, but you need to start the conversation in an adult and mature way. It means being polite and kind. You may not want to be, but remember to be the bigger person here.

You don’t want to be flippant or sarcastic. There may still be some hurt or friction between you and starting a conversation shouldn’t just be about teasing a sleeping bear, so to speak!

How to Start a Conversation with Your Ex Without Arguing

How to start a conversation with your ex will depend on why you are contacting them. If you want to get back together, you may want to start the conversation differently than if you wanted to settle finances or exchange keys.

1. Be straight

In most cases, we recommend bringing one. Asking how they are and going through the motions will do nothing but prolong the inevitable.

If you need to meet with your ex to exchange keys or get your favorite sweatshirt back, just say so. Simply sending them a “Hi” message will only confuse them, and make them wonder about your intentions.

Send them a message saying you hope they’re doing well and then get involved. This may sound harsh but keep it polite and to the point.

Think of it this way as a business email. If you need a co-worker or contact to send you something, say something like, “Hi, I hope you’re doing well. I’m just reaching out to see if you liked my last message.” found.

2. Avoid going too deep

When striking up a conversation with your ex, you may feel like reminiscing. Unless you’ve had a recent breakup and need to get over it, avoid anything that might drag you back into the breakup. They’re not almost your ex, they’re your ex, so keep them that way.

Even if you’re moving on to being friends, keep taking things forward, not backward.

If you work together or have mutual friends, you can remain cordial. But there is no need to talk about the good old days.

3. Use lightweight conversation starters

In a relationship, starting a conversation about a heavy topic is like diving into the deep end without testing the waters. Instead, start with something light and airy. Maybe there’s a new café that’s opened or a movie you both want to see? It’s about breaking the ice, not starting a blizzard.

Pretty sure you’re both gauging each other’s comfort level at this stage, so you might want to keep it low-pressure.

A casual topic acts like a barometer, giving both of you a sense of how the conversation might go. This way, you create a comfortable environment that is conducive to open and easy communication.

4. Ask to meet

Face-to-face communication is almost always better than talking via phone. In this way the possibility of misunderstanding is reduced. But also, try to meet in a public place. This will help both of you remain calm and composed. This will also prevent returning to old patterns.

If you need closure or want to get back together, we definitely recommend talking in person.

5. Refer to a shared positive memory

If necessary, mention a funny, shared memory, but keep it general. “Remember that crazy karaoke night?” This can be a great way to rekindle some good old feelings. Just make sure it’s a memory that won’t lead to old disputes.

Again, this strategy is only if you feel it is appropriate. You don’t want to randomly bring up the past and risk seeming like you’re stuck in a time loop or overly nostalgic about the relationship.

The goal is to connect with the present, not live in the past. If you choose to share a memory, it should serve as a bridge to the current conversation, not a trip back in time.

6. Avoid talking about past disagreements

This is not the time to repeat old arguments. Stick to positivity and the present. This is another thing you should consciously stay away from, no matter how tempting it may be to bring it up. Delving into past feuds can quickly turn a friendly conversation into an uncomfortable confrontation.

Remember, the focus here is on creating a new, positive form of communication. By keeping the conversation away from past disagreements, you are laying the groundwork for a more constructive and enjoyable conversation.

7. Embrace awkwardness *if it exists*

Sometimes, addressing the elephant in the room can reduce tension. A simple “I know this is a little awkward, but I’m glad we’re talking” can make things feel more genuine.

By acknowledging any awkwardness, you are showing a level of honesty and vulnerability that can be disarming and endearing.

This helps establish an environment of openness and honesty, making conversations more comfortable and authentic. Plus, it often turns out that once you invoke the awkwardness, it goes away, leaving room for a more comfortable and natural conversation.

8. Stay neutral

Whether your ex cheated on you or stole your money, try to remain calm when initiating a conversation with your ex. It’s possible that your emotions are still running high. You’re probably still angry or upset.

9. Don’t patronize them

We have seen this happening a lot. When you feel that the relationship has ended because of your ex’s lack of trust, infidelity, or anything else, you may feel better about them. And, keep it between us, but you might do the same.

Whether that’s the case or not, try to talk to them as your equal. Even if you don’t feel like it, being kind without exaggerating is the best way to handle an ex’s situation.

10. Talk about personal development

Sharing something new you’ve learned or a hobby you’ve picked up shows that you’ve grown. This is not about bragging, but more like sharing updates from your life newsletter.

This can be a great way to show that you’re moving on…