What does it mean, 53 signs and ways to date a girl who is attracted to her ex

Have you ever heard of the Alpha Widow phenomenon? Before you even consider getting serious with her, learn the meanings, signs and essential things to know about this girl!

Have you ever felt like you’re not only dating him, but also competing with his memories of his ex? Congratulations, you may be dealing with an Alpha Widow. Now, don’t be fooled—this is not a cheap word you can ignore. This is a concept that has some real psychological impact on the bones.

Whether you’re just dipping your feet in the dating pool or you’re an experienced swimmer, being aware of the Alpha Widow phenomenon can save you a lot of heartache and “Why She Isn’t Over Her Ex-Boyfriend Yet” ?” Google searches.

What is an alpha widow?

First of all, no, she’s not mourning the death of the wolf pack leader or anything like that. Alpha Widow is a term steeped in psychological language, particularly attachment theory.

It describes a woman who is emotionally attached to a former boyfriend whom she considers the alpha male of her dating history.

Within the scope of attachment theory, an alpha widow forms a strong emotional connection with her previous partner, which perhaps was not reciprocated or was unhealthy.

This attachment is so deep that it overshadows his current relationships. So if you feel like you’re living in the shadow of her ‘brilliant’ ex, you may be dating an Alpha Widow.

How is this different from the ex who was “the one who walked away”

Sure, we’ve all had an ex who left a significant mark, but an Alpha Widow takes it to a whole new level. While one may wistfully miss “the one that got away,” an alpha widower actively compares their current partners to that memorable ex.

It’s less about the romantic notion of defeat and more about the ongoing mental competition where, sadly, you are not the favorite to win.

Hypergamy, the innate tendency that has its roots in our social and evolutionary biology, leads women to seek out partners who are ‘superior’ in some way – be it physically, economically, emotionally or all of the above.

We’re talking triple-threat: good looks, charisma, and maybe a strong financial portfolio or even just an exciting bad boy edge. It sets a high bar, making it an uphill battle for anyone who follows.

Signs You’re Dating An Alpha Widow

You may be wondering, “How do I know if she’s an alpha widower?” It’s not like she’s going to put that on her dating profile, right?

There are signs, my friends, even very obvious ones, that may indicate if you are dating an Alpha Widow.

1. Does she constantly mention her ex in conversation?

If she’s always talking about her amazing, adventurous, very wonderful ex, you may be in alpha widow territory. It’s as if her ex is the omnipresent figure haunting your relationship.

2. Does he have unrealistic expectations from you?

She may expect you to pick up where her ex left off – the same restaurants, the same hobbies, even the same cologne. It’s not just about filling shoes, it’s as if you are expected to fill a custom-made, diamond studded boot that only her ex-husband can wear.

3. Are there frequent mood changes based on old memories?

One minute she’s happy, the next she’s sad because a song on the radio reminded her of her date with her ex.

Mood swings caused by nostalgia are another sign that you are dating an alpha widower. Emotional instability based on past experiences is a difficult obstacle to overcome in any new relationship.

4. Does she compare you to her ex, openly or subtly?

Comparisons can be direct *”My ex used to do this”* or subtle *sigh or roll your eyes when you do something different*.

5. Is he reluctant to commit?

If she is hesitant to commit, it may be because she is still emotionally tied to her former partner. You may notice that future plans are vague, or she avoids discussing the long-term vision for your relationship.

6. Does she avoid introducing you to her friends and family?

If you’ve kept something a secret or aren’t exactly “Facebook official,” it may be because she’s comparing you to her ex, who was probably quite popular at family gatherings.

7. Does she seem indifferent to your accomplishments?

You got the promotion, or you just completed a marathon, and his reaction is as flat as a pancake. This may be because, in her eyes, it is not equal to the great accomplishments achieved by her ex.

An alpha widow may really have a hard time celebrating your victories.

8. Is she often nostalgic for specific places or activities?

If certain restaurants or activities are taboo because they were “in her sights” with her ex, you may be dating an alpha widower.

His attachment to these places may make it difficult for him to make new memories with you.

9. Are your arguments often about his past?

Arguments are normal in any relationship, but if you find that disagreements often reach out to your ex, this is a possible sign.

You’re not just arguing with him, you’re arguing with him and his past relationship.

10. Does she keep souvenirs from her previous relationship?

11. Does she often use the phrase “if only”?

“I wish you were like him,” or “If things worked out with him, life would be perfect.” Sentences like these indicate that she still views her former partner as the gold standard, a key sign that you’re dealing with an alpha widow.

12. Is her social media full of memories of her ex?

If her social media platforms serve as a shrine to her past relationships, take note.

Although it is common to have old photos, the greater emphasis on the past indicates that she may be living there both emotionally and literally.

13. Does she find faults in your phone?

An alpha widow may be looking for reasons why you can’t compare yourself to her ex. If she’s sifting through your texts, calls, or social media, she may be looking for faults to explain why you’re not as good as her “alpha” ex.

14. Does she get defensive when you mention the term “Alpha Widow”?

If this word comes up and she’s clearly uncomfortable or defensive, it’s a sign that she may recognize some of these traits in herself.

The fact that she responded so strongly suggests that she knows she fits the profile to some extent.

15. Do you feel like you are in a threesome relationship?

And no, we’re not talking about polygamy. If her ex-partner is such a frequent topic of conversation and comparison that it feels like he’s a silent third member of the relationship, you’re probably dating an alpha widower.

16. Does she repeatedly cancel plans with you for unclear reasons?

You made dinner reservations or planned a weekend getaway, and suddenly she cancels for no apparent reason.

This may be a sign that she is making room for the possibility of something ‘better’, as shaped by her past experiences with her alpha ex.

17. Does she hesitate to say “I love you”?

18. Is he not interested in your emotional needs?

19. Does she do financial comparisons?

If she’s often assessing your financial situation in comparison to her ex, especially if he was well-off, this could be a red flag.

Economic stability can be a significant factor in the hypergamy equation, making it difficult for her to see dollar signs or lack thereof.

20. Is he overly critical of small mistakes?

Making a mountain out of a sesame palm? If small mistakes made by you become big problems for her, she may make mistakes as a way of maintaining emotional distance.

Remember, no one can fail to measure up if the bar is set impossibly high.

21. Do you start doubting yourself?

If you’re repeatedly second-guessing your value or your place in the relationship, it’s a sign that the dynamic is affecting your self-esteem.

While relationships should uplift you, dating an alpha widower can lead to a constant feeling of inadequacy as you struggle to meet his standards, which are often based on his previous relationship.

22. Does she constantly seem sexually unsatisfied?

An alpha widow may hold onto her ideal sexual experiences or dynamics in the past, making it difficult for her to fully enjoy the present.

Remember, it’s not necessarily about you but about how she views her past.

How to Deal If You’re Dating an Alpha Widow

So, you’ve read the signs, done some self-reflection, and now you’re wondering: Is this relationship doomed to become a sad love song?

Although dating an alpha widow comes with its challenges, it’s not an automatic ticket to the Heartbreak Hotel.

Here’s a roadmap to help you deal with the complexities without losing your way or your mind.

1. Importance of open communication

Active listening is your best friend here. If you’re dating an alpha widower, it’s important to understand her feelings and perspective.

2. Establish boundaries

Assertiveness Training 101: Know what you’re comfortable with and assert it. If his frequent references to his ex make you uncomfortable, say so.

Setting clear emotional and conversational boundaries can create a more equitable relationship dynamic.

3. If all else fails, counter-dependence as a coping mechanism

Counterdependence is not the healthiest long-term solution, but it can work as a coping mechanism. This involves distancing yourself emotionally to protect your well-being.

It’s like emotional Teflon, their issues can’t stick to yours. However, use it with caution, as it can cause a rift in the relationship.

4. Be conscious of your self-esteem

Dating an alpha widow can be a blow to your ego. Make sure you engage in activities that boost your self-esteem.

Whether it’s going to the gym or focusing on a project you’re passionate about, maintain your sense of self.

5. Seek professional guidance

Therapy isn’t just for movies or extreme scenarios. Couples counseling can provide creative coping strategies.

Sometimes a neutral third party can provide invaluable insight into the dynamics of your relationship with the Alpha Widow.

6. Reevaluate your needs and desires

Stop for a second, play some introspective jazz if you have to, and ask yourself: Are your emotional needs being met? Self-awareness is the key.

If you find that you are more of a sacrificial lamb than an equal partner, it may be time for some serious relationship re-evaluation. Don’t compromise your happiness for a relationship that is not mutually gratifying.

7. Make new memories together

If she’s an alpha widower, chances are she’s stuck in a cycle of nostalgia. Here you can become his “new playlist” that makes him hum a different tune.

8. Understand his perspective

Easier said than done, right? Still, understanding her perspective is like having a cheat code to the emotional video game that is your relationship. Consider why she is clinging to the past.

Knowing her fears and insecurities can be invaluable when avoiding landmines in your love life. This can help you become the player he needs.

9. Be patient but realistic

Romantic comedies like Lied to You, with a pop soundtrack, don’t change the two-hour runtime. Patience is your ally, but don’t let it turn you into a doormat.

Although it is beautiful to think that love conquers all, the reality is that some things cannot change. Balance optimism with a little practicality.

10. Know when to walk away

Ah, the hardest level in “Dating an Alpha…”