Is it hard to find a good man? 39 Reasons and Secrets to Finding a Great Guy!

Why is it hard to find a good man? Emotional burden, fear of loneliness, and remaining in ‘meh’ relationships all contribute to the challenge.

So you’re scrolling through your phone wondering why it’s so hard to find a good guy. Trust us, you’re not alone in this quest—far from it!

The Internet is full of swiping, DMs and endless first dates that go nowhere. It’s a modern-day conundrum: As connected as we are, it’s becoming harder for many of us to connect on a deeper level.

It’s not just your tiredness from the hustle and bustle of dating. This is a question that has been troubling single people for ages. So, why is it so hard to find a good man?

But hey, by the end of it, you might have a roadmap to finding Mr. Right—or at least Mr. Right Now.

Reasons and psychology behind why you find it difficult to meet good people

Let’s learn about the psychological culprits behind why it’s so hard to find a good man. This isn’t just your usual lament that “all the good people have been taken” but there is also some fascinating science at work here.

So if you’re asking yourself, “Why is it so hard to find a good guy?” These points may provide some enlightening answers.

1. High expectations and ideals

Have you ever wondered why your ‘perfect man’ looks like a rom-com hero? Thanks to the ideal standards in psychology.

Did you know he’s a modern Mr. Darcy, but he also cooks, cleans and can fix your Wi-Fi? These ideals often stem from media portrayals and what our social circles consider “perfect.”

2. Paradox of choice

Swipe left, swipe right—there are plenty of fish in the sea, yet we’re all still alone. What did you give? This is known as the paradox of choice or choice overload.

The more options you have, the harder it is to make a choice, let alone be happy with it. It’s a psychological hiccup that makes you think, “Why is it so hard to find a good guy?”

3. Attachment Styles

Remember that ex who couldn’t commit? Or the other one who was too clingy? Your attachment style – whether it’s secure, anxious, or avoidant – affects how you interact in relationships.

4. Social factors

Ah, the ever-present peer and social pressure! Think about it: Family, friends, and social media all have opinions about who you should date.

From gender roles to social status, these external factors can seriously cloud your judgment and add another layer of difficulty to finding a good man.

5. Cognitive dissonance

Have you ever found yourself making excuses for a guy you know isn’t good for you? Welcome to the world of cognitive dissonance.

6. Unfinished work

Feeling stuck in the dating rut may largely be because you haven’t yet closed the chapter on a previous relationship.

It’s not unusual to subconsciously compare every new person to an old one, making it difficult to find a good person to stack up with. Tying up those loose emotional ends is essential before getting into the dating pool.

7. Self-sabotage

Have you ever noticed how sometimes you can be your own worst enemy in love? Fear of rejection, fear of commitment, or even fear of the unknown can cause us to shun potential relationships.

8. Waiting Game

You may be under the impression that a good guy will fall into your lap when you least expect it. Although this sounds romantic, it is not the most proactive approach.

Being passive in your search can make it difficult to find a good man because, let’s face it, they’re not just going to rain out of the sky.

9. Unrealistic Timelines

Are you setting deadlines for yourself? Like “engagement at 30,” “marriage at 32,” “first child at 34”?

These self-imposed deadlines add unnecessary pressure and may force you to settle for someone who may not be right for you, complicating your quest to find a good man.

10. FOMO effect

The fear of missing out, or FOMO, can make us constantly restless, always wondering if someone “better” is just a swipe away.

11. Searching in the wrong places

How many times have we heard this? “There are plenty of fish in the sea.” But what if you’re fishing in the wrong pond?

12. You are in the wrong circle

Have you ever heard the saying, “You are the average person among the five people you spend the most time with”?

If your circle isn’t supportive or is constantly filled with singletons or naysayers, it can make it difficult to find a good man. Time to broaden those social horizons!

13. Tolerating BS

If your tolerance for nonsense is increasing with every SpaceX launch, you are essentially setting yourself up as a magnet for more nonsense.

Look, the bottom line is this: Tolerance for BS often translates into a lack of boundaries.

When you don’t set clear boundaries, you are essentially sending an open invitation for people to treat you in ways you don’t deserve.

14. Overthinking

Analysis paralysis, anyone? When you’re overly focused on decoding every text or gesture, you’re not only stressing yourself out, but potentially ignoring the bigger picture of the relationship’s potential.

In this state of overthinking, you can forget the kind of emotional connection that really matters. Next time you find yourself checking for a simple “Hey”, remember, over-analyzing may be another reason why it’s so hard to find a nice guy.

15. Trust issues

If your emotional burden were literal, the airline would also say, “Ma’am, you’ll have to pay extra for this.

Trust issues can be like walking around with a rain cloud over your head, making every interaction feel like it’s raining waiting to happen.

You’ve got your emotional umbrella ready in case someone shows their true colors and it starts “raining.”

So let’s say a good looking man comes into the picture. What is the reaction? Doubt, mostly. Instead of basking in the glow of his goodness, you’re looking at him sideways, wondering, “Why is he so perfect? what’s the catch?”

Alarm bells start ringing inside you, like, “Alert! alert! So good it’s hard to believe!” But the point here is this: sometimes people are really nice, and they really like you.

If you have trust issues, you’ll likely drive away the exact kind of person you want to attract, making it difficult to find a good man.

16. Follow the checklist

Yes, the checklist – a well-intentioned tool that can sometimes do more harm than good. If your dating requirements are more strict than Harvard admissions criteria, you’re probably shooting yourself in the foot.

Focusing too much on superficial attributes like height or career can cause you to overlook other incredible qualities.

Simply put, following your checklist too strictly can make it difficult to find a good man who brings more than just box-ticking.

17. Fear of being alone

Being alone can be scary, but jumping into someone’s arms is not a solution. The fear of being alone can sometimes push you into relationships that are not really beneficial for you.

This fear can cloud your judgment, causing you to settle for less than you really deserve. Believe it or not, this fear is one of the reasons it’s so hard to find a good man.

18. Drama Magnet

Some people consider drama as passion. They believe that constant ups and downs add some kind of excitement or “spice” to the relationship.

However, drama often masks underlying issues like lack of communication or respect. If you’re a magnet for drama, you’re probably disliked by nice guys who value stability and peace, making it difficult to find a good man worth your time.

19. Comparison Game

In the age of social media, it’s easier than ever to compare your love life to others. These comparisons often distort your understanding of reality, making you feel that your options are either too limited or not worth what you deserve.

The reality is usually different, and this comparison game can seriously hinder your quest to find a good guy.

20. Emotional unavailability

Being emotionally unavailable is like going to a buffet and refusing to eat. If you are not emotionally open, it is challenging to attract someone who is.

Remember, you are attracted to who you are. Unless you open up emotionally, it will remain difficult to find a good guy who is also emotionally invested.

21. Sunk Cost Fallacy

Oh, the feeling of investment – ​​it keeps you tied to relationships that are not satisfying. The more you feel you’ve “invested”, the harder it becomes to walk away.

22. Confirmation Bias

Loving the same TV show or hobby can make you think you’ve found “the one.” However, confirmation bias can lead you to overlook potential red flags, leading to further disappointment.

Although it’s fun to find similarities, letting them overshadow everything else will make it difficult to find a good man who is a good match in all respects.

23. Giving utmost importance to chemistry

Physical chemistry is just one piece of the relationship puzzle. Relying solely on that Zing or Spark may blind you to more serious compatibility issues.

Overestimating this aspect means that you are not considering the whole picture, which can make it difficult to find a good man suitable for a long-term relationship.

24. Differentiating between lust and compatibility

The early days of a relationship can feel like fireworks, but it’s a common mistake to mistake that initial attraction for true compatibility.

Essential information and secrets to find a good man

Searching for a good man doesn’t have to be a never-ending cycle of disappointments. There are actionable steps you can take based on psychology and real-life experience to improve your chances.

1. Reverse psychology

No, we are not advocating manipulation here. But a touch of reverse psychology, or playing a little hard to get, can be a useful tool to gauge someone’s genuine interest in you.

2. Emotional Intelligence

IQ may take you to school, but EQ *Emotional Intelligence* takes you to life and love.

Staying in tune with your own and your partner’s emotions can improve relationship satisfaction and make it less difficult to find a good guy who is equally emotionally intelligent.

3. Active listening

We all love to talk, but how about listening? Active listening is the secret sauce that makes conversations with your date more meaningful.

4. Operant Conditioning

OK, no one is suggesting that you train your partner like a lab rat, but positive reinforcement works wonders.

Encourage behaviors you appreciate and they will be more likely to occur more often. This is a way to create a more harmonious relationship, making it easier to find and keep a good man.

5. Work on becoming a high-value person yourself

Before you ask why it’s so hard to find a good guy, turn the question around. Are you the kind of person a “nice guy” will be attracted to?

Being a high-value person doesn’t mean being perfect, it’s about constant self-improvement, setting standards, and maintaining boundaries.

where to find a good man

Just because it’s hard to find a good man doesn’t mean there’s a shortage – like we said, you might be looking in the wrong places.

Let’s switch gears from trying to understand why you’re stuck to taking actionable steps to free yourself!

1. mutual friends

Do you remember the good old days when people used to meet friends at house parties? Turns out, it’s still one of the most effective methods. Why? Psychological security.

Being introduced through a friend can add a layer of trust…