How It Works and 29 BSDM Rules and Tips for Beginners

Do you and your partner want to play with the power dynamics in your relationship? If you do this, you can try adding some home discipline.

You may be curious to know what it is or perhaps you are even considering incorporating domestic discipline into your relationship.

It used to be a taboo subject, but recently it’s becoming more mainstream thanks to films like fifty Shades of GreyWhich is more BDSM, but has a similar vibe.

What is domestic discipline?

Basically, domestic discipline is a relationship between two consenting partners where one is the submissive and one is the dominant one.

The submissive receives punishment and rewards from his/her dominant depending on whether they follow the rules set for them or not. That’s it in a nutshell, however, it’s more complicated than that.

OK, maybe you need some more context…

Domestic Discipline vs BDSM

BDM is a broad term that covers many different things, so let’s break it down to understand it better.

B&D is *Bondage and Discipline*, D&S *Dominance and Submission*, and S&M *Sadism and Masochism*. BDSM involves a wide variety of activities, from light tying with rope to severe punishment.

You may already know all this, but you may not know what domestic discipline is or how it differs from a regular BDSM setup. The nature of domestic discipline relationships varies. However, they usually involve the dominant partner setting the rules for the submissive partner to follow.

While domestic discipline may include elements of BDSM such as spanking, it is more about day-to-day commitment rather than just the bedroom and sex.

Domestic Discipline for Beginners

Because there is more to it than you think.

1. Know what You want

You have to make sure that you want to do this for your own reasons, not someone else’s. So, before you sit down with your partner, sit down with yourself and really think about it.

2. Make sure it’s consensual

When your partner does something that makes you angry, you can’t just walk up to him and start hitting him. That’s domestic violence, people. There is a huge difference.

Don’t pressure them into anything, let them feel it themselves.

3. Be prepared to answer a lot of questions

Obviously, they want to know what domestic discipline is and how it works.

4. Make a strict list of rules

If you don’t make any rules, it’s basically a free for all, and we don’t want that. Now that your partner is ready to try it, you need to create a strict set of rules that you can’t break. And not sexy rules, but actual boundary-setting rules.

These rules help maintain the framework of the relationship and also help guide you and your partner, especially in the beginning.

5. Don’t rush it

If your partner is completely in agreement, you’ll probably want to get straight into it. No. If you rush into it, you may miss important steps and overlook rules that need to be checked. Take it easy. It won’t be a walk in the park.

In the beginning, you and your partner will be trying to figure out how it works and which method works best for you. Don’t worry, you will have plenty of time to spank or get spanked.

6. Punishment must be explained

For each punishment, the reasoning should be explained to the submissive. So, if you are dominant, when your partner pulls their pants down to their ankles over your knees, you have to tell them why.

7. Never punish when angry

This is the most important rule to remember for both submissives and dominants.

If you’re feeling really angry, don’t punish your partner. As a human being, it’s obviously normal to feel angry.

However, you cannot be angry while giving punishment. Therefore, before punishing, distance yourself and make sure that you are in a collected state before carrying out any punishment.

8. Don’t forget about rewarding

Here we are only talking about giving punishment, but do not forget about giving reward. Rewarding is a great aspect of household discipline because it encourages positive behavior.

The point is to encourage positive behavior and show appreciation. Now, don’t go overboard with rewards, you don’t need to reward every good deed.

9. First spanking

Listen, if you think the first spanking wouldn’t be weird, this one will be. How can it not be?

The important thing is that both of you talk about your feelings and how it felt. You want to see how your partner feels about the experience.

10. Spanking is mandatory

So, you know you have a few options when it comes to spanking. You can use your hands, wooden spoon, hairbrush, ping pong paddle, or wooden paddle.

You just have to try which tool works best for you and your partner. Some give way when hit while others slip out of your hand easily. So, you’ll have to shop around.

11. How to spank

You might think there is some science to it, but there isn’t. You can sit on your knees, lean on the armrest of your sofa, or kneel on furniture.

However, in reality, once you both agree on where and how to spank, that is what you will do. Don’t worry about getting it right, just do what feels best for both of you.

rules for polite

Respect

The number one thing to remember for submissives is that they must respect the HOH at all times.

1. The polite person won’t argue with the HOH

Part of being polite is keeping your mouth shut and doing what you’re told. Therefore, there should be no argument with the HOH. They “know” best, and the submissive must obey them without question.

2. A polite person won’t talk bad about the HOH

Therefore, in a domestic discipline relationship, the submissive should never talk bad about the HOH. They should say only good things about them.

3. The polite person will say “please” and “thank you” for everything the HOH does

While it is important to be polite in everyday life, it is even more important in domestic discipline relationships. Submissives should not be ungrateful or take the HOH for granted. They have to appreciate everything their HOH does.

4. Humble will not involve himself in the HOH job

It is only up to the HOH to make all the decisions for both of them. Therefore, the submissive should sit back and let the HOH do his job.

5. The submissive person will be honest with the HOH at all times

Lying is not allowed when you are polite. Therefore, they are required to be honest and tell the truth to the HoH at all times. If they lie, they will probably be punished.

6. The submissive won’t keep secrets from the HOH

They have to be completely transparent with the HoH and tell them everything that is going on in their lives, even in their minds.

7. A humble person will consider the HOH superior

Because the whole point of a domestic discipline relationship is the superior-inferior power dynamic, the submissive should always treat the HOH the same way. They also have to accept their inferior position in the relationship.

8. A polite person will not speak unless spoken to

They are not allowed to raise their voice.

sex

Sex is another important category where the submissive has to follow the rules. A polite person will keep the HOH satisfied.

1. The submissive will submit to any sexual requests from the HOH

2. Submissive guy won’t threaten to withhold sex from HOH

Since the submissive has no power and the HOH has all the power in the domestic discipline relationship, they are not allowed to withhold sex. Not only can they not stop it, they can’t even threaten to do so.

Questions and concerns

The Submissive will address any questions, concerns and opinions with the HOH in a timely manner.

1. The submissive person will remain calm and will not quarrel with the HOH

2. Obedient will be patient

The submissive should also suppress all frustrations towards the HOH. They must sit patiently and wait for the HOH to do things in their own time, not according to how the submissive would like it.

3. The submissive will accept the HOH’s feedback without questions

Just as a child is not allowed to question a parent, the submissive is also not allowed to question his HOH. They just have to accept whatever the HoH asks them to do.

permission request

1. A polite person will use “please” and “thank you.”

It is essential that the submissive remains polite to the HOH at all times. They should use “please” and “thank you” whenever they ask for or receive something.

2. The submissive will request permission to leave the house without the presence of the HOH

A HOH likes to control when his submissive can leave the house. As a result, a submissive cannot go alone without being accompanied by the HOH or without their permission.

3. Submissive will request permission to make any purchases other than groceries and hygiene products

4. The submissive will request permission before speaking to any male the HOH does not know

Since the HOH is often a male, the submissive must ask permission to speak to another male whom the HOH does not know. Otherwise he will be punished.

5. The submissive person will accept the HOH’s answer without any questions

When the submissive asks permission to do or say something, they are to accept the HOH’s answer without question. There’s no room for second-guessing the rules of HoH. Sometimes.

Now that you know about domestic discipline, if you’re still curious, sit down with your partner and have a conversation about it. Who knows where that road will take you?