38 signs, types and why people go crazy in love

Gaslighting in a relationship can damage your emotional well-being in no time. Learn here how it works, types, signs and best ways to deal with it.

Are you familiar with gaslighting in a relationship? Hopefully, you are not. But let’s consider the following scenario.

Sarah thought she had found “the one.” Jake was charming and funny, and they had the kind of chemistry that could make a science lab jealous. But with time things got strange.

Whenever Sarah expressed concerns about Jake’s increasingly worsening behavior, he dismissed her concerns by saying that she was being too sensitive or imagining things.

Sara begins to doubt her memory, her emotions, even her sanity. Without knowing it, Sarah had become a victim of gaslighting in a relationship.

My friends, gaslighting is not a Hollywood drama, even though it may seem like it.

The term comes from the 1938 play “Gas Light”, where a husband tries to make his wife doubt his genuineness by dimming the gas-powered lights in their home and then denying that this happens.

Fast forward to today, gaslighting has become a widespread form of emotional abuse, where the gaslighter causes you to question your experiences and emotions.

Why is this important for you to know, especially for young adults? Well, you are wandering in the maze of love and friendship, often without a map or GPS.

What is gaslighting?

So, you’ve probably heard the term “gaslighting” thrown around like confetti at a New Year’s Eve party, but what does it really mean?

Gaslighting in a relationship occurs when one partner causes the other to doubt their memories, emotions, or even their sanity.

Now, let’s sprinkle a little bit of psychology into the mix—enter “cognitive dissonance.” Oh yes, it sounds like a term straight out of some nerd psychology textbook, but stick with us.

Cognitive dissonance occurs when you hold two or more conflicting beliefs and it causes emotional stress. Imagine you’re in a happy relationship, but then your partner keeps telling you that you’re not remembering things properly, or that you’re too emotional.

So, why should you care? Because gaslighting is emotional abuse. This is your partner taking the paintbrush of your own reality and saying, “No, let me rewrite it for you.”

Types of Gaslighting

Before we zoom in on the bright red flags that scream “Gaslighting Ahead,” it’s important to understand that not all gaslighters use the same playbook.

Just as villains in comic books have their own unique styles and evil plans, gaslighting in relationships comes in different flavors.

1. To trivialize

This happens when your partner minimizes your feelings or experiences. You finally get the courage to talk about something that’s bothering you, and they brush it off like it’s no big deal.

This may make you feel like you are being overly sensitive or dramatic, when in reality, your concerns are completely legitimate. Trivialization effectively silences you and forces you into emotional self-doubt.

2. To retaliate

This type of gaslighting in a relationship can make you start to doubt your memory, leaving you trapped in a maze of self-questioning that seems impossible to escape.

3. To stop

In this scenario, your partner behaves stupidly or refuses to engage in the conversation. You can provide crystal clear examples of the behavior in question, and they act as if they have no idea what you’re talking about.

4. Distraction

Your partner changes the subject or questions how you came to such a conclusion in the first place, effectively diverting the conversation away from their behavior.

It’s like sleight of hand in conversation; Before you know it, you’re on the defensive and explaining yourself instead of focusing on the core issue. This can be especially disorienting in a gaslighting scenario in a relationship.

5. Stereotyping

This is a clever tactic that not only irritates you but also adds a layer of discrimination into the mix.

flashing red flags and signs

Now that we’ve clarified the types of gaslighting in a relationship, you’re probably curious to know: How can you tell if you’re being gaslighted?

1. You doubt your memory

For example, you clearly remember that your partner promised to attend a family event with you, but when the day comes, they claim they never agreed to go.

These small hiccups in memory can begin to accumulate, leaving you in a constant state of confusion and self-doubt, which is the hallmark of gaslighting in a relationship.

2. You apologize too much

For example, your partner is late for dinner, and you apologize for being upset about it. Blame shifting is a classic gaslighting technique.

3. You feel like you’re walking on eggshells

If you’re always worried about speaking your mind or expressing your feelings because you’re afraid of your partner’s reaction, pay attention.

This constant self-censorship is a red flag for gaslighting in a relationship.

4. You’re always “mad”

Whenever you try to bring up concerns, your partner labels you as too sensitive, emotional, or irrational. For example, you express concern about them coming home late every night, and they retaliate by saying that you are overly jealous or possessive.

5. You feel isolated from loved ones

They may subtly or explicitly discourage you from meeting friends and family, claiming that they don’t “understand” your relationship the way they do. This separation makes it easier for them to control your perception of reality, which is a horrific form of gaslighting.

6. Your achievements are undervalued

You score a big win at work or succeed in a presentation, and instead of celebrating, your partner finds ways to belittle your accomplishments.

7. You feel stuck in a cycle

Gaslighting doesn’t happen 24/7. There are periods of warmth and affection, sometimes called “love bombing,” that leave you thinking things have changed for the better.

But then the cycle of gaslighting starts again. Intermittent reinforcement keeps you guessing and makes it harder to pinpoint abuse taking place in the relationship.

8. You are to blame for their behavior

Your partner was late because you “took too long getting ready,” or they forgot an important date because you “didn’t remind them enough.” This level of blame-shifting is an advanced form of gaslighting in a relationship.

9. You doubt your abilities

Feeling like you’re not good enough, smart enough or just good enough, period? This is a sign of gaslighting.

10. You feel the need to “prove” your love

Your partner often questions your commitment or love for you, pushing you into a corner where you feel the need to “prove” your love through actions or sacrifices.

This creates an unequal power dynamic and is a manipulative tactic that falls under the umbrella of gaslighting.

11. They never apologize

This unwillingness to apologize is the cornerstone of gaslighting, because it perpetuates the belief that it is always your fault, not theirs.

12. They use “global statements”

Be careful if your partner frequently uses phrases like “you always” or “you never.” These global statements are broad and absolute, leaving no room for discussion or nuance.

13. They withhold affection as punishment

The silent treatment or withdrawal of emotional support is often used as punishment.

If you have been “bad” according to their metrics – perhaps by disagreeing with them or calling them out – then they withhold love and affection, leaving you to struggle to gain their approval, which is another form of gaslighting in the relationship. There is a way.

14. They undermine your relationships with others

By doing this, they are slowly eliminating your support system, making you more dependent on them and easier to control – a classic tactic in the playbook of gaslighting.

15. They make you doubt your sanity

Have you ever heard phrases like, “You’re too sensitive,” or, “You’re imagining things”? These are ways in which your partner may try to undermine your perceptions and feelings, causing you to doubt your sanity.

16. They present “evidence” to discredit you

Your partner does everything possible to prove you wrong, even collecting “evidence” such as text messages or comments from others.

This type of proof-seeking is not about clarity or understanding; It’s about making you doubt your reality. In psychological terms, this is a flag for increased manipulation tactics and gaslighting.

17. They use trivial gifts or gestures to deflect bad behavior

The purpose of these gestures is to confuse you and make you think that maybe things are not as bad as they seem. However, this does not erase the emotional impact of gaslighting in a relationship.

18. They invalidate your feelings

Your partner dismisses your feelings as if they are not valid or important. For example, you might say, “I feel hurt when you ignore me,” only to have them respond with something like, “You’re too sensitive; you’re too sensitive.” No one else would have any objection.”

19. They make you feel guilty for your mistakes

You find yourself apologizing for things you didn’t do or for problems you didn’t cause. For example, if they have forgotten an important date, they may turn it around and say that you did not remind them enough, thus making it your fault.

This manipulation ensures that they avoid responsibility, which is a common characteristic of gaslighting in relationships.

20. They make jokes at your expense

They may make jokes that belittle or demean you, and if you express that you are hurt, they accuse you of not having a sense of humor. This tactic serves to trivialize your feelings and experiences, which is another form of gaslighting.

21. They burn gas in a public setting

Your partner isn’t just limiting his manipulation to private settings; They are bold enough to harass you in public or among friends. This adds a layer of insult to gaslighting, making you even more hesitant to speak up.

22. You start to question your memory

You begin to doubt your own memories, events, or conversations that you know happened. This self-doubt is a harmful byproduct of gaslighting in a relationship, potentially affecting your cognitive function over time.

23. They play the victim when confronted

If you muster the courage to confront them about their behavior, they immediately turn it around and make themselves the victim. “I cannot believe that you would accuse me of such a thing; You’re breaking this relationship,” they might say.

24. Your physical health declines

The emotional and psychological effects of gaslighting can manifest physically over time. You may experience chronic stress, sleep problems or even stress-related illnesses such as headaches or digestive problems.

This decline in physical health can often be seen from the constant emotional turmoil of gaslighting in the relationship.

25. You avoid discussing issues

This is not because you don’t care, but because previous attempts have been so mentally draining that you don’t want to do it again. This avoidance is an insidious consequence of gaslighting, which stifles open communication between you and your partner.

26. They use your weaknesses against you

Let’s say you open up about insecurities or past hurts. A gaslighting partner can weaponize this information to further weaken you.

27. You develop more anxiety than usual…