47 signs you still miss her and how to let go of them

Are you dreaming about the one who went away? If you are, it may be painful. But is getting back together really a good idea? Maybe, but probably not.

Remember the poignant lines from Katy Perry’s ‘The One That Got Away’? ‘In another life, I’d let you stay here, so I wouldn’t have to say you’re the one who walked away.’ It’s almost as if she’s singing of missed love opportunities, isn’t it?

Well, the concept of what got away is something that many of us can relate to. It’s not just a catchy song; It’s like a club of which we have all been members at one time or another.

It could be that person you met while backpacking in Europe, that coworker you had a huge crush on but never told, or even that person in your calculus class whose name was You never caught on.

These are the stories that make us think, ‘What if?’ And we get nostalgic and ‘uh, why didn’t I say something?’ Left with a mixture of.

But hey, let’s not get too sad here. After all, reflecting on our TOTGA can be a fun walk down memory lane, not just something to look back on.

The psychology behind TOTGA

So, we all laugh thinking about our own TOTGA, but why do we even have one? What is going on in our minds that makes us hold on to these ‘almost-loves’?

1. ‘What If’ Game

Do you know there is a term in psychology when we create ‘what if’ scenarios about past events? This is called counterfactual thinking.

This kind of thinking can portray our TOTGA as a missed golden opportunity, even if, in reality, things are not working out.

2. Idealization and memory bias

We often remember the good parts and easily forget the not so good ones. As a result, in our memory TOTGAs may seem more perfect than they actually were, with all their flaws and quirks gone.

3. Attachment Styles

Attachment theory provides a fascinating perspective on how we view our TOTGAs. Different attachment styles – secure, anxious, and avoidant – can influence how we understand these past connections.

For example, someone with a secure attachment may look back with a sense of maturity and acceptance, while an anxiously attached person may obsess over ‘what-ifs’ and struggle to move forward.

Signs they may be your totga

As you find yourself pondering the concept of something that got away, it’s natural to wonder if someone from your past fits this title. Understanding these signs can be both revealing and therapeutic.

1. Constant thoughts

If your thoughts turn to someone regularly despite the passage of time, this is a strong sign that he or she could be your TOTGA. This lasting mental presence often indicates unresolved feelings or questions about what might have been.

These persistent thoughts are a way for our brains to process and understand past events, but they can also keep us attached to a past that no longer exists.

2. Comparison with current partners

Unknowingly comparing the current relationship to your TOTGA is an important indicator. This often happens when a previous relationship has set a benchmark in your heart and mind.

Psychologically, this comparison may be a manifestation of the ‘contrast effect’, where we evaluate our current situation against a significant past experience.

3. Emotional impact

If you feel regret or sadness when you reminisce about your TOTGAA, it suggests a deep emotional connection that remains influential.

This emotional response is linked to the concept of ‘loss aversion’ in psychology, where the pain of losing something is stronger than the pleasure of gaining something of equal value.

4. Change in life priorities

Relationships, especially influential relationships like TOTGA, can significantly shape our attitudes and priorities. This change may be a reflection of lessons learned from that relationship and emotional maturity gained.

5. Social Media Stalking

This behavior often reflects a desire to stay connected or an ongoing curiosity about their life.

From a psychological perspective, this can be seen as a form of ‘virtual lingering’, where digital platforms facilitate a connection that no longer exists in real life.

6. Dreams and daydreams

Repeatedly dreaming about someone who got away from you or daydreaming about scenarios where you could be reunited may be a subconscious expression of your desires and regrets.

Dreams often reflect our deepest thoughts and feelings, which we may not be fully aware of even when we are awake.

When someone appears regularly in your dreams or daydreams, it suggests that your subconscious mind is still processing your past relationship with them, trying to find resolution or relive those moments. Which left a significant emotional impact.

7. Avoiding places or people associated with them

Doing this is a form of self-protection, where your brain tries to protect you from emotional distress.

8. Nostalgic Trigger

Specific songs, places, or even smells that trigger memories and emotions related to your TOTG are powerful indicators of their lasting impact.

In psychology, we call this the concept of sensory memory, where our senses can vividly recall past experiences, along with the emotions associated with those moments.

These nostalgic triggers indicate that your TOTGA has left a lasting imprint on your sensory memories, making them an important part of your emotional history.

9. Keeping souvenirs

This behavior is often linked to our desire to maintain connections with important past experiences, which serve as tangible reminders of what once was.

10. Longing in times of insecurity

During moments of insecurity or emotional decline, if you find yourself longing for your TOTGA, this could be a telltale sign. These feelings often surface when we are seeking comfort and familiarity.

Psychologically, it can be linked to our tendency to gravitate toward past contacts that provide us with a sense of security and happiness, especially at times when our current situation seems uncertain or unsatisfactory.

11. Unwilling to hear about their current life

This reaction may arise from a subconscious desire to maintain their special place in your heart, untouched by their current reality.

12. Important dates give rise to memories

Remembering important dates related to the one who got away from you, such as their birthday or the anniversary of when you met, shows that they still hold a meaningful place in your mind.

13. Mood changes while remembering

If your mood changes significantly – whether it’s sadness, happiness, or feelings of longing – when you reminisce about your TOTGA, it’s a sign that they left a deep emotional impact. This is a direct reflection of the emotional importance that the past relationship still has in your life.

14. Feeling like no one can compare

Idealizing a past relationship can make it challenging to appreciate new relationships, because you’re constantly measuring them against some idealized version of your past.

15. Suddenly feeling the urge to reach out

Experiencing a sudden and intense desire to reach out to your TOTG, even after a considerable amount of time has passed, is a sign of unresolved emotions.

16. Influencing your life decisions

They are already gone from your life, but if you find that you are still making decisions influenced by your TOTGA’s experiences or memories, it indicates their deep influence on your life.

This influence can manifest in a variety of ways, from avoiding certain types of relationships to seeking out partners who remind you of them.

Such patterns highlight the deep emotional imprint left by the relationship, subtly guiding your choices in matters of the heart. This reflects a long-lasting attachment, which shows how important they were – and perhaps still are – in shaping your emotional landscape.

17. Difficulty moving forward

Even after a significant amount of time has passed, if you find it difficult to move on from something that has gone away, it indicates their deep impact on your life.

The difficulty in moving forward can often be rooted in what psychologists call the Zeigarnik effect, where people remember incomplete or interrupted tasks better than completed ones.

The feeling of an incomplete story can make it challenging to fully commit to new relationships or let go of the past, because your mind remains attached to what was left unresolved.

18. Sudden Memories

Our brains have a tendency to associate emotions with seemingly unrelated events or objects, a phenomenon known in psychology as ’emotional conditioning’.

These unexpected memory triggers suggest that your past relationship has a significant and lasting emotional charge.

19. Increased emotional reactions

These reactions can be understood through the lens of emotional memory, which is more enduring and profound than factual memory. This increased emotional response shows that your past relationship still resonates strongly within you.

20. Reluctance to discuss them

Feeling hesitant or uncomfortable discussing your TOTGAs with friends or current partners may be a sign that they still hold a special place in your heart.

Psychologically, this can be seen as a defense mechanism to avoid confronting painful or unresolved emotions.

21. Share plans and dreams

If you find yourself often reflecting on the plans and dreams you shared with your TOTGA, this indicates their deep influence on the trajectory of your life.

22. Demand for closure

The constant need for closure or understanding regarding the end of your relationship with your TOTGA points to their important role in your life.

The need for closure is a psychological process of trying to understand and come to terms with the past. It reflects a willingness to understand and resolve any pending questions or feelings, which is essential for emotional healing.

24. Wish for recombination

Regularly wishing or hoping for the opportunity to reconnect with your TOTGA shows that they still hold an important place in your heart.

This feeling often indicates unresolved feelings and a deep connection that persists over time.

Why TOTGA is sometimes just a fantasy

We hate to break it to you, but sometimes, TOTGA’s notions are less about lost love and more about our own imaginations. Let’s find out why our brains are leading us to believe in a romantic ideal that doesn’t exactly match reality.

1. Romanticizing the past

This romanticism is often caused by a cognitive bias where our brain focuses more on positive memories, and easily ignores the negative ones.

So, the TOTGAA you crave may be an idealized version, created by your mind, that ignores the real reasons why the relationship didn’t work out in the first place.

2. Growth and change

Psychologically, this discrepancy arises because we often store people in our memories over time, failing to take into account the natural development of personality and preferences.

This means that the person you yearn for may not only now be different but may also no longer be compatible with who you have become.

3. Role of media and culture

These media forms present a romanticized, idealized version of love and loss, which impacts how we view our past relationships.

The continued portrayal of TOTGAA in culture may create a collective belief in a perfect, lost love that is, in reality, often far from perfect.

4. Fear of being alone

Sometimes,…