2 big types, 38 signs and what you must know to overcome them

There are two types of breakup anxiety – one that happens before the breakup and the other that happens after it. Both are equally harmful.

Have you ever noticed how our brains, those squishy bundles of neurons, can be super naughty sometimes? Imagine that you are moving along smoothly in your relationship, and suddenly, a storm of doubt and fear starts rising in your mind. What you’re experiencing is called breakup anxiety – where your own mind becomes a master of mischief, painting scenarios of the relationship breaking up and leaving you gasping for breath at the prospect of ‘what ifs’.

You’re struggling with thoughts of an impending breakup, even when there’s no solid reason to believe it.

Two types of breakup anxiety

Now, there are two main types of breakup anxiety.

The first occurs before a breakup, or during a relationship for no good reason. Every relationship goes through tough times, ups and downs, and challenges.

The second type of breakup anxiety occurs after the actual breakup has occurred.

Anyone who has ever gone through a breakup will tell you how upsetting and difficult it can be. You’re cold, feeling alone and lost, almost in grief over the end of a relationship.

Whatever type of breakup anxiety you’re suffering from, it’s important to keep things in perspective, for the sake of your mental health.

Worry about breakup even while being in a relationship

Let’s talk a little more about this particular type of anxiety for a minute. Imagine that you are in a relationship where everything is going smoothly, but suddenly, you are hit by a wave of uncertainty and anxiety.

This is the beginning of breakup anxiety. It’s as if your mind starts preparing for a storm that may not even be on the horizon.

1. Mood swings and constant anxiety

You’re riding an emotional rollercoaster, and it’s not the fun kind. One moment, you’re enjoying the warmth of love, and the next, you’re falling into a pit of worry.

2. Obsessiveness, avoidance, or overcompensation

Your actions begin to tell a story that your words cannot. Some days, you find yourself clinging to your partner, looking for reassurance in every word and gesture. Other days, you’re the opposite, putting up walls and distancing yourself, as if preparing for life without them.

Or you may overcompensate by showering them with love and attention, in hopes of alleviating the fear running through your mind. These changes in behavior are your subconscious coping mechanisms, a clear sign of the turmoil that breakup anxiety brings.

3. Constant thoughts of a possible breakup

Ongoing mental chatter focused on the possibility of a breakup is a clear indicator of breakup anxiety. It’s as if your brain is trying to prepare itself for an impact that will never come.

4. Fear of the unknown

Our brains are hardened by fear of loss, and the mere thought of losing someone important can create a whirlwind of anxiety.

The fear of the unknown, what your life will be like without your partner, often drives breakup anxiety. It’s a primal response, your brain’s way of trying to protect you from potential injury, but it also creates a flood of worries and what-ifs that can be overwhelming.

5. Overthinking about small things

Imagine you and your partner are laughing at a casual dinner, and they make a joke about a TV show you both watch. Suddenly, your mind starts wondering if there is a hidden message in their words.

6. Feeling insecure or jealous frequently

Increased feelings of insecurity or jealousy in a relationship can be a significant indicator of breakup anxiety. Psychological studies have shown that anxiety within relationships often manifests as increased jealousy and insecurity.

It’s not just about a fleeting feeling of jealousy. It is a deeper, more intense emotion that reflects an underlying fear of loss. When these feelings become more frequent and intense, they indicate a lack of confidence in the stability of the relationship, often rooted in a deep fear of abandonment or inadequacy.

7. Change in communication patterns

A change in your communication style, where you read too much into every message and constantly seek reassurance, is a reflection of breakup anxiety affecting your interactions.

8. Social Withdrawal

When your friends invite you out on a Friday night, and you can only focus on your relationship troubles, preferring to stay home alone, it indicates a deeper issue.

Gradually, you find yourself refusing social gatherings again and again, losing yourself in a world dominated by your relationship concerns. Prioritizing these concerns over other important relationships in your life is a clear sign of breakup anxiety.

9. Difficulty concentrating on work or studies

Experiencing breakup anxiety often leads to challenges concentrating on work or studies. Cognitive psychology research indicates that anxiety impairs cognitive functions, particularly concentration and attention.

10. Physical symptoms

Restlessness at night, keeping you awake because of worries about your relationship, is a classic symptom of breakup anxiety. You may also notice changes in your eating habits or experience frequent headaches.

These are physical responses to the intense emotional stress you are experiencing, showing a direct impact of your mental state on your body’s well-being.

11. Avoiding discussions about the future

Feeling reluctance to talk about future plans with your partner is often a manifestation of deeper fears associated with breakup anxiety.

Relationship psychology studies have found that concerns about the stability of a relationship may lead to future commitments being avoided.

12. Ignoring personal interests and hobbies

Remember when you used to be excited about your morning run or looking forward to your weekend painting session? If these activities begin to seem less appealing, it is often a sign that breakup anxiety is increasing.

Rather than simply a change in interests, this change reflects how your anxiety is taking over areas of your life that once brought joy, reflecting the pervasive nature of your emotional state.

13. Increase in irritability and impatience

Finding yourself irritated by small things, like your partner forgetting to refill the ice tray, points to more than a momentary irritation.

This increased sensitivity to small irritants is a symptom of the deeper, underlying breakup anxiety you are experiencing. It refers to a situation where even small things get magnified due to ongoing emotional stress.

14. Questioning your partner’s actions and motives

When you start scrutinizing your partner’s every move, questioning their motives for working late or their choice of clothes, it’s more than simple curiosity.

How to deal with breakup anxiety while in a relationship

So, you’re in a relationship, but instead of just enjoying the ride, your mind keeps beating you to the worst possible scenario. Every small bump in the road feels like it’s leading to a cliff breaking.

But wait, let’s not jump to conclusions yet. How do you resolve these feelings and keep your relationship on track?

1. Get your facts straight

Start by assessing the situation objectively. Are there any solid reasons for your concern, or is it mostly unfounded fear? Research in cognitive-behavioral therapy highlights the importance of challenging irrational thoughts and beliefs.

2. Have open communication with your partner

Discuss your feelings with your partner. A study into the effect of anxiety on communication in relationships showed that open communication can significantly reduce relationship anxiety.

3. Mindfulness and Emotional Awareness

Practice mindfulness to stay grounded in the present moment. A study published in the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy found that mindfulness can reduce anxiety and stress in relationships.

By being mindful, you can observe your emotions without letting them flow, which is important in managing breakup anxiety. Recognize your feelings, understand their origins, and let them pass without judgment.

4. Asking for help from friends or a therapist

Don’t hesitate to lean on your support system or seek professional help. Talking to friends can provide a different perspective, while a therapist can provide expert guidance rooted in psychology.

Therapy can help you understand the roots of your anxiety and develop strategies to deal with it.

5. Engaging in self-care and personal development

Invest time in self-care and activities that boost your self-esteem and happiness. Engaging in a hobby, exercising, or simply taking time for yourself can be therapeutic.

By focusing on activities that bring you joy and comfort, you’re not just managing breakup anxiety; You are also investing in your personal growth and happiness.

post breakup anxiety

Okay, so you were feeling that impending doom? It turned into reality. The breakup happened, and now you’re going through the emotional consequences of it.

It’s a tough journey, but understanding the signs of post-breakup anxiety is the first step toward healing

1. Intense feelings of sadness, loneliness, or emptiness

After a breakup, deep sadness or loneliness often surrounds you. As psychologists say, these emotions are similar to grief, because you are mourning an important part of your life.

2. Disturbance in sleep, change in appetite

Physical manifestations such as sleep disturbances or appetite fluctuations usually accompany emotional turmoil after a breakup.

Struggling with insomnia or oversleeping, and experiencing fluctuations in appetite, are typical ways your body reacts to stress.

3. Social isolation or obsessive thoughts about a former partner

You may shy away from social interaction, preferring solitude to process your thoughts, or you may obsess over your former partner, replaying memories and scenarios.

Both are common reactions to a mix of anxiety and confusion after a breakup.

4. Loss of routine and comfort zone

After a breakup, your routine and comfort zone is often disrupted.

5. Identity Improvement

After a breakup, especially after a long-term relationship, you may face the challenge of redefining your identity.

This process can be anxiety-provoking as you raise questions about your personality and what’s going to happen next.

6. Social and peer pressure

Living a single life after a breakup can be a challenging journey, especially when faced with social and peer pressure. The expectation to quickly explain your new situation or the perceived need to move forward quickly can add layers of stress and anxiety.

This pressure can come from a variety of sources – friends, family, or even social norms portrayed in the media. Dealing with this pressure while managing your own emotional recovery is a delicate balance that requires both time and self-compassion.

7. Difficulty in taking decisions

After a breakup, it can be surprisingly difficult for you to make decisions, even for mundane things. Psychologists link it to high emotional stress that impairs cognitive functions, including decision making.

8. Feelings of regret or guilt

It’s common to struggle with feelings of regret or guilt after a relationship ends. You may find yourself replaying scenarios, wondering what could have been done differently.

These thoughts can create a cycle of emotional distress, as suggested by emotional processing research. Learning to navigate these…